The 'Wet Money' Sock Puppet Sketch Concept Draft...

(announced is the fact that the sock puppet show to follow is allegedly Quentin Tarantino's most recent 'completed' dramatic literary effort; "Wet Money"...
in a gada da vida plays as two sock puppets walk on to the sock puppet stage. both are smoking cigarettes and wearing skinny black neckties and dark sunglasses...)

Sockpuppet A: 'Damn I love pancakes. Those pancakes sure hit the spot.'

Sockpuppet B: 'Yes they did. Now let's go do something illegal in an ironically relaxed manner while we think of anything pointless to casually debate that Quentin Tarantino hasn't already had someone else debate in some other thing he's already written.'

A: 'Yes, let's. My little notebook here says that our next so-called donor is Mr. Smullen Mullins.'

B: 'For real?'

A: 'I shizzle you not. Our benefactor has identified Mr. Smullen Mullins as the next donor.'

B: 'THE Mr. Smullen Mullins?'

A: 'No, you peckerhead. Some OTHER Mr. Smullen Mullins. How many guys do you think I could be talking about?'

B: 'Ouch. You're hurting my feelings. OK. Let's roll.'

( Tiptoe through the Tulips by Tiny Tim plays as the hands spin around on a big clock above the stage)

A: 'I see your point about how the accuracy of the phrase 'no one listens to techno' doesn't change appreciably if you
shift the emphasis from the words 'no one' to the word 'listens'. But I still say that the statement becomes more POIGNANT.'

B: 'Sure. I can see that. What was the new delivery point for Mr. Smullen Mullens' donation?'

A: 'We're there now.'

B: 'Whatthe fuck do you mean were there NOW?'

A: 'I mean there IS NO new delivery point. What the fuck do you think I mean?'

B: 'Jeez, did someone piss in your cornflakes? So we're there NOW. I get it. So what do we do now Hawking? There's nobody here.'

A: 'We wait.'

B: 'We wait?'

A: 'We wait.'

B: 'We wait.'

(voodoo lady play as the clock spins some more)

B: 'I see your point about your sister's interior decorating skills, and I do think she warrants a better kind of attention that what she's been getting,
but I still say that the real reason no one wants to get with her anymore is that her ass looks like a pillow case full of wiffleballs.'

A: 'Yeah... I guess I can see that. You probably DO have a good point. Was it me or was that delivery just a little bit too easy?'

B: 'Are you saying our deliveries always have to be complicated?'

A: 'I am saying that.'

B: 'Then say it.'

A: 'I did say it.'

B: 'No, you said...'

A: 'OK, I didn't say it, but I shouldn't have to say it'

B: 'Why not say it, though?'

A: 'Fine. I'm saying our deliveries always have to be complicated. Can we drop it now?'

B: 'We can drop it. We have more instructions waiting for us back at the shop.'

A: 'Why do we have to go to the shop for these instructions?'

B: 'We'll find that out when we get there.'

A: 'Whatever.'

( 25 O'Clock plays as the clock spins even more)

A: 'I see your point about Socrates drinking the hemlock being a cynical act, AND I see your point about the unlikelihood of the Stoic school
ever arising without being preceded by the Cynic school, but I still say that Cynicism in its classical form was not a sustainable philosophical
development because Diogenes was, himself, largely dependent upon the very institutions he refused to hold as worthy of upholding.'

B: 'And why is that?'

A: 'Because he wasn't an ascetic.'

B: 'Go on.'

A: 'Diogenes lived not in a cave, but in the center of a city where he was safe from predators, and he ate a diet of domesticated onions, not wild onions. Everything distinctive that he did was in some way tainted by civil infrastructure and by an assumption of good faith and/ or good will on the part of most
of his fellow citizens.

B: 'OK. I can see that. But people wouldn't have listened to him at all if he wasn't on to something.'

A: 'Sure. He was onto something, but his perspective was too narrow. Hey-'

B: 'What?'

A: 'You wanna stop for pancakes? I'm dying for some pancakes.'

B: 'You just HAD pancakes.'

A: 'That was hours ago.'

B: 'Right the last thing we ate was pancakes.'

A: 'And I'm hungry again. Aren't you hungry again?'

B: 'Yes, but we're not getting pancakes.'

A: 'You have something else planned already?'

B: 'No.'

A: 'Good. Then we're getting pancakes'

B: 'No more pancakes.'

A: 'Fuck you.'

B: 'Fuck me? Fuck YOU.'

(sock puppets begin shoving each other)

A: 'No, FUCK YOU.'

(B pulls out a cap gun)

B: FUCK (cocking )...YOU'

(A also pulls out a cap gun)

A:' Fuck you, motherfucker!' (fires one shot at B)

B: 'I'll fucking kill you, ya fuck!'

(both begin firing and repeatedly shouting 'Fuck You')

(after caps are gone, A collapses, hanging off the puppet stage. pause)

B: 'No.... fuck YOU.'